When worlds collide... To post, or not to post?

When I first joined Facebook in 2007, my friends list was rather small.  Though I wasn't an "early" adopter, the "old folks" had not yet discovered Facebook, and most people I knew were still heavily using Myspace and perfecting fake names, the duck-faced selfie, and using lime green fonts over yellow backgrounds.  As more people from my present and past joined, there was a constant flurry of friend requests.  Old high school buddies, college buddies, professional associates, and, eventually, my older relatives became friends.  I am one to always keep people compartmentalized.  I like my worlds to NOT collide, thank you very much. It's not that I am phony to any group of people. I never present a side of me that isn't authentic.  But my recreational self communicates a little differently than my professional self, as well as the part of me that communicates with aunts and uncles.  Context is everything.  The kinds of links that my old, often delightfully skewed high school and college friends would find hilarious might evoke crickets or even raised eyebrows from my parents or from people with whom I serve on professional committees.  And posts about my profession will just cause my outside work friends to yawn.  Additionally, I have some passionate political causes that probably make some of my more conservative relatives gnash their teeth.  I don't apologize for my beliefs, but I have no desire to create rifts with people about whom I care deeply.

There are workarounds for this, of course.  One can create an endless number of groups and exclude this group and that group from various and sundry posts, but I hate having to think every time I post as to whom might be offended by what.  It's exhausting, and it has made my Facebook life a bit of a drag.  I feel that I have to constantly censor myself.

In the beginning, I didn't turn down anyone's friend requests.  I was new to Facebook, and I didn't really think through the implications of having people from so many areas in my life all thrown into one big stew.

I know some people who have had to deal with the fallout of having bosses and co-workers see some of their posts.  One friend was called on the carpet after posting some not-so-glowing things about her job and co-workers.  Her boss had been handed a printout anonymously.  While I am adamant about never complaining about work on FB, she tends to be an open book and had whittled many co-workers from her friends list already.  Whomever handed over her post was someone she apparently trusted. I've had other friends who have had fallouts with relatives and close friends over politics.  At some point, I fear my FB activity may be limited to results to quizzes such as "Which Barney character are you?" and pictures of cute kittehs. This makes me a little sad, as I have rebuilt many friendships with people with whom I had lost touch, and have enjoyed interacting with a diverse group of friends for 6 years now.

I am aware that many people now have a blanket policy of not friending co-workers.  I started a new job in August, and thought a good bit about how I would approach the "Facebook dilemma" in a new position. I decided that I would let people decide whether or not they wanted to shoot me friend requests.  As they come in, I accept these requests, but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by forcing them to have to tell me they just don't friend co-workers.  Additionally, my position is tenure track, and involves a significant amount of peer review. I am a wee bit hesitant for someone who is called upon to review my effectiveness to have seen pictures of me drinking a beer at a caching event where a couple of the guys are randomly sporting tutus.  As I have accepted my co-workers friend requests, more people with whom I work will stumble onto my profile.  If they want to extend an invite, that's great, but I am just going to allow this to work itself out organically.  Because I don't trash my workplace, over-emote, or use "colorful language" on Facebook, there really isn't anything  I post that is truly damaging.  I guess I am beginning to adjust to the fact that all of our worlds collide in the 21st century.  I am learning to present a public face that is appropriate for all areas of my life.  There is always FB Messenger, gchat, and e-mail for having private conversations, and drama does NOT belong on social media anyway. Just because something passes through my head does not mean it needs to be posted for the world to see. 

I still refuse to keep politics off Facebook.  My belief system is part of who I am, and I believe I need to publicly stand for what I believe is right. I support basic human rights for all, and can get pretty worked up over gender equality, sexual orientation equality, and compassionate treatment for the poor. Luckily, I work in a profession that is predominantly made up of progressives, and I've finally decided that if conservative friends and relatives cannot accept me for who I am, I don't need to have them in my lives.  They certainly tend to not tone their beliefs down, and I have always been able to find things I share in common with people, rather than to focus on our differences. 

The one thing I cannot control is what others post on my wall.  I could lock it down, but I would miss so much in the process.  Sometimes, people post graphics with which I essentially agree, but that contain words that would be offensive to people like my parents. I wish people could understand the importance of context.  I may use the "F" word around my friends and a few of my family members, but it is not part of my work vocabulary, nor do I use it at family reunions.  I have started deleting any wall posts that I think might cause me problems.  I don't need co-workers bumping into overtly sexual content or potentially offensive language on my wall. I will usually message the person who made the post in question and say, "I love ya, and I thought it was hilarious, but I had to delete it. I just have too many people as FB friends who might take offense."

So, I have this constant struggle of deciding whether "to friend or not to friend" and how authentic and open I want to be on social media. I know it's an extreme "First World Problem", but we're all grappling with this right now.  What we post takes on a life of its own.  People have been fired for their FB posts, and sometimes, posts go viral.  There is no such thing as "privacy" on the Internet. I have seen friends take posts from other friends and send them to people who are not friends of the original poster.  Don't think that anything you post online will remain secret.  Use your brain and post sensibly.