Goodbye and good riddance

As of Saturday,  I am now closer to 50 than 40.  Birthdays no longer disturb me, and I have never particularly fretted over numbers, so I am not mourning the inevitable march towards death.  I am, however, happy to see the back of 45. The past few years were very stressful and difficult, and I had to negotiate a path through a series of minefields.  The death of my beloved Aunt Sylvia was probably the most profound loss I felt last year, but there were other BIG STRESSORS that loomed over what had previously been an uneventful, reasonably calm, placid existence.   Luckily, the other difficulties are in the process of resolving themselves, and my stress level is returning to a manageable level. It was by sheer stubbornness alone that I managed to function (minimally, mind you), and I began to visualize shaking my fist at the fates and telling them to bugger the #$#$ off.

All in all, I have emerged from what I call Hell Year stronger and more resilient.  The world did not knock me down.  Strife did not defeat me.  In some ways, I am grateful that I faced multiple crises simultaneously.  I needed to know that I had the ability to overcome adversity, and I have rarely been field tested. I never thought of myself as a particularly strong person, and I am beginning to see that I can survive and thrive under adverse conditions.  However, I'm ready to have a peaceful, uneventful 46th year. 

I'm not particularly wise nor overwhelmingly clever, but I am stubborn and proud.  There are very few people on earth whom I will allow to see me weak or falter.  When everything is right as rain, I am extraordinarily uncompetitive, but when backed into a corner, I find myself hardening and sharpening my virtual knives.  Now, it's time to set down my mental weapons and to make my peace with where I have been, and to figure out where I am now going.