Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

There are a handful of frozen-in-time moments I can recall in my life when I was instantly transformed by unfamiliar music. This moment is the first such one that I can recall.

Many 16 year old girls skip school in order to spend the afternoon in the backseat of someone's car.  Me, I spent many a day holed up at E-8, an apartment that served as a refuge of sorts to Norfolk's young LGBT community.  There was a rotating cast of characters who lived there- to be honest, one could never provide an accurate count of the number of permanent residents of this 2 bedroom apartment, but there was always a crowd of young lads and the girls who adored them sprawled all over the Aqua Net-scented digs.  For me, this apartment was a refuge from the confusing, often off-putting world of aggressive, groping adolescent boys.  From these older boys, I learned about fashion, new music, and advice about how to deal with guys, from guys who love other guys. I lived vicariously through their Grand Sufferings- the unrequited loves, the pain of being an outsider, the constant dramas that gay young adult men perfect like no others. 

I cannot remember exactly what I was doing at that moment, but if I could guess, I was probably chainsmoking Marlboro Lights while one of the boys teased my hair into submission.  Someone pushed the play button on a cassette player.  The sound of a sonic jackhammer blasted from the speakers, followed by an unearthly guitar wail that demanded I stop whatever I was doing and pay close attention.  Soon, a voice of longing- of poetry- of desperation poured out.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular

My head snapped upright and my mouth formed a perfectly round O.  The guitars swelled.

You shut your mouth- how can you say- I go about things the wrong way?  I am human and I need to be loved- just like everybody else does...

Up until this song, I had a long list of go-to  "music for moping"; Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Joy Division, etc, but I finally had an anthem.  For all the times I felt invisible- for all the times I experienced crushes on boys to whom I barely registered- for all the times I felt misunderstood, I had a response, a mantra.

I am human and I need to be loved- just like everybody else does...

Thus began my lifetime love affair with the Smiths.  The collaboration between Johnny Marr and Morrissey was second only to Lennon/McCartney (and, perhaps, arguably, Simon and Garfunkel), and spoke more to my Gen-X sensibilities.  Perhaps others artfully moped while listening to the Smiths, but I felt victorious, pumped, euphoric.

There's a club if you'd like to go... you could meet somebody who really loves you... so you go and you stand on your own and you leave on your own and you go home and you cry and you want to die

Two nights ago, I was fortunate enough to see Johnny Marr, The Smiths' guitarist, on his solo tour, in Carrboro. I have seen Morrissey, but it was in a large venue, he was a mere speck in the distance, and I did not feel as connected as I did at the more intimate Cat's Cradle. Morrissey is also very scant in covering the music of his seminal band, and Johnny Marr performed about 5 songs from The Smiths, including "How Soon is Now?" I stood a mere 20 feet away from Johnny, and as his guitar cranked out that unearthly, familiar sound, I stood in utter awe and jubilation.  That guitar, those chords.  I was taken back 30 years in time, still on the floor with my buddies, still tormented and racked by the grief of adolescence, still seeing my entire adult life before me, and I was frozen in the moment.  I could not believe I was seeing this before my eyes, hearing this guitar, experiencing this moment in such an intimate setting. It was a revelation.

When you say it's gonna happen "now" Well, when exactly do you mean? See I've already waited too long and all my hope is gone.