In, not of?

So, I have a FB friend with whom I attended high school who is a very conservative, Fundamentalist Christian who appears to be very gradually questioning the bill of goods she has been sold.  I have watched her posts change over the past year, as she questions the role of a mother and a woman in the Christian world. She is raising a very large family, and has had to give up homeschooling and enter the workforce.  Apparently, she's receiving some serious backlash from her homeschooling family friends, who are judging her for, I don't know, exposing her children to the wicked world of diverse viewpoints. 

I tend to be very open-minded, and though I lean extremely far to the left and identify as agnostic, I count amongst my friends a good number of people of faith, and a sprinkling of conservatives.  I believe I fare better when I step outside my insular Carrboro bubble from time to time.  And that is exactly what my point of contention is with these protecto-parents.

Both Redmond and I would be thrilled to see our daughter grow up to be a champion of progressive causes, an LGBT ally, a believer in equal rights for all human beings.  But I do not want her to be brainwashed into following our belief system, and frankly, no amount of brainwashing will guarantee that your children can be shoehorned into following your footsteps. I know many lefty atheists who grew up "churched."  I want my daughter to carefully consider the world of ideas, to exercise her intellectual muscles, and develop her own belief system based on her life experiences, on reading many texts, on her exposure to a wide variety of diverse human beings.  I would love to see her affirm my own belief system, but if she only had those beliefs because I locked her up in a cage, then the beliefs are not really her own, reached by careful consideration and conviction.

I have known people who have tried to lock their children away from a world they find repugnant.  They will not allow their kids to interact with any kids who do not come from their background, who attend school, who are not fundamentalists.  They force their children to attend a local college and live at home, or perhaps attend a school such as Liberty University.  They strongly restrict the books their children can read and the ideas to which their children may be exposed.  So... their kids finish college- if they are even allowed to attend college... and then what?  Unless their kids live at home permanently, or start their own Christian business, what then?  How do these young adults live in the world after being trapped in an insular bubble?  I'll tell you what often happens.  They either are terrified and retreat, or they greet the world at large as their own personal Rumspringa. I remember meeting a few young adults who had escaped their bubbles, and they were flirting with substance abuse and promiscuity.  They were sucking in all the experiences they felt they were denied.  Granted, some grow up seamlessly and handle the secular world with grace and dignity, but parents, wouldn't you rather your kids exert some kind of will of their own?

I find a small amount of beauty in Sadie's defiance at times.  From her first "No!" in toddlerhood, to her refusal to do things exactly as we wish she would, she is showing signs of strength and autonomy, and though she can be hugely challenging, I find it fascinating to see her finding her way as her own distinct human being. I have no desire to keep her in a box, to force my views of the world on her, or to create a little clone of myself.  I am amazed by how little trust these overly controlling parents have in their own children...  God forbid, they should carry on a conversation with a progressive Christian who actually attends school, or even a non-Christian.  It's much like those homophobic parents who are afraid that any exposure to gay people will cause their kids to "catch teh gay".

What must it be like to wander through the world, terrified of everyone and everything who is even slightly different?  What must it be like to see the world as a cauldron of festering evil from which you must shield your child from birth to grave? What must it be like to have so little faith in the innate goodness of your own children that you have to control their every interaction, every thought? What must it be like to fear that the rest of us heathens out there are so convincing that we will snatch your children away and convert them to a godless orgy of homosexuality and worldly desires? I truly pity these people, as I cannot see a life with this worldview as being particularly content.

I know there are homeschoolers who will read this and think I am judging homeschooling.  I am not.  For some children, homeschooling is the best fit, and the issue of homeschooling really deserves its own entry. My own daughter might benefit from some kind of alternative schooling, though we are not in a position financially to attempt the kinds of alternative schooling that I feel might be a good match for her at this time. I do, however, take issue with parents who so fear the world and so fear differing viewpoints that they attempt to hide their children away from the world in which they will eventually be forced to live as adults.  Eventually, whether you like it or not, they will become the people they are meant to be- one hopes, anyway.